funny short stories

Elderly Couple
An elderly husband and wife visit their doctor when they begin forgetting little things. Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes.
When they get home, the wife says, “Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And maybe write that down so you won’t forget?”
“Nonsense,” says the husband, “I can remember a dish of ice cream.”
“Well,” says the wife, “I’d also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it.” “My memory’s not all that bad,” says the husband. “No problem — a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. I don’t need to write it down.”
He goes into the kitchen; his wife hears pots and pans banging around. The husband finally emerges from the kitchen and presents his wife with a plate of bacon and eggs.
She looks at the plate and asks, “Hey, where’s the toast I asked for?”


The Ugliest Baby
One day a woman was waiting for a bus. It comes and she walks in and the bus driver says “Wow, that is the ugliest baby I have ever seen!”
So the women sits down and she says to the man next to her “The bus driver just insulted me!”
The man says “You go talk to him, just go, l’ll hold your monkey for you”.


A Missing Person
Recently, a distraught wife went to the local police station, along with her next-door neighbor, to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description of the missing man.
The wife said, “He is 35 years old, 6-foot 4-inches, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children.”
The next-door neighbor protested, “Your husband is 5-foot 8-inches, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children.”
The wife replied, “Yes, but who wants HIM back?”


China Product
A Nigerian lady married a Chinese guy. They had a baby girl but after 3 months the baby died.
The mother of the Nigerian lady came to visit them, but she was just shouting; "I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!"
A neighbor noticed her shouting then called her outside and asked her what and she replied; "I knew that China products do not last long!!!"